Beep... I got a TEXT!!!!

As I was reading the chapter, The Nostalgia of the Young, in Alone Together, I realized how I was not really actively absorbing the information that I was reading.  It was as if the book wasn’t even there with me. Yes, I was reading and sitting in my living room, but I was not there reading my book. I was paying attention to my phone and wanted to talk to someone instead of reading. As a college student, I did not think that it was out of the ordinary that I did not want to do homework. However, it WAS weird that even though I appeared to be doing homework, I was really in another world with the person I was texting.

Author Sherry Turkle discusses in chapter 14 how teenagers are often in a world of texting or IM instead of in the world they are actually living. It’s as if the people involved in texting have stepped into a zone oblivious of the real world. We are constantly waiting for that text and IM and thinking about it instead of concentrating on the task at hand. I should be concentrating on my best ever blog, but I answer my text again. The way I see texting is that it is not rude to text; it is rude to keep someone waiting for a message! That is when I looked at my book and thought... TURKLE IS RIGHT!

There have been countless times when I have been talking to my mom and she is on her Treo planner busily attending to her schedule. What I have to say never enters her brain. I know of times where my mom has given me a chore and I am on my phone and I am completely oblivious to what task she has given me. The bad and sad part is everyone does it.  We either make an “actively listened to” face to face conversation non-existent or we make it known to everyone.

The other day I wanted to do something sweet for my boyfriend. My first thought was to write something sweet on his Facebook wall. A personal message that I wanted to express to him was then made known to everyone reading Facebook. To make matters worse, his family and friends commented on it. A special comment that I wanted to be sweet and personal became a joke. I could have written him a letter, sent a card, or left a message on his voicemail, but instead I let the whole world in.

Again I came to the realization that Turkle was “spot on” about personal conversation.  In my mind and in the minds of many others, calling someone and verbally telling them something is not good enough anymore. We have somehow been conditioned to believe that we have to post our most intimate and personal messages in a manner in which it is made known to everyone. The input and feedback from others actually matters in my personal relationship. If I post a status or comment that generically deals with men, people automatically assume it specifically refers to my personal relationship. Because of Facebook and blogs, my life is no longer private but worldwide!

I often have people who I haven't seen or communicated with in a very long time, write comments on how wonderful my relationship is with my boyfriend. Yes, I love my relationship, but they are making assumptions by blogs and what they see over Facebook. They really don’t “know” what is real. And when we actually get together face to face and those people have the opportunity to see my relationship in person, they chose to be elsewhere…. On their telephone engrossed in a text conversation or examining someone else’s Facebook posting.  They never actually see what my relationship is or even who I am.  Eventually, we start to lose those relationships because we are not capable of making real life personal and caring.

This is the last Sherry Turkle chapter that we will be discussing in class and what I learned in this book has become dear to me. I do not want to be just another intangible someone on the internet. I want people to see who I am in person as well as to know me over the web. I also understand that I must Chose to live my life without technology running it for me.  Sure, I want to stay in touch with my family and friends interactively on the web, but I also have come to understand the value of looking someone directly in their eyes and express an intimate emotion or comment without the drama of everyone else’s opinion.  

If true communication is7% words, 38% voice tone, 55% body language, how in the world do we understand each other if we are missing out on all of the nonverbal stuff by texting, IM and Facebook?